Tomorrow is Spyder's funeral. He will be laid to rest next to her Great-grandpa and Great-grandma Deering. I truly don't know how I will survive the day. I have thought about it for four months now, played it over and over in my head. But now it is here - his obituary is in black and white.
Everything is in place. We even had Spyder's casket painted by a local artist to personalize it. James Sewell, who owns OriginalWildlifePaintings.com, decorated the casket with a blue spider, a red poppy, and, of course, a blue butterfly. It even says Spyder's name in the top web and Mommy and Daddy in the bottom web. The image symbolizes that Spyder will always keep us together as a family. It is the least that we can do for a baby so special to us.
I feel like I need to put something special in Spyder's casket, but I still haven't thought of the perfect thing. Everyone else knows what they are putting in. Why can't I decide? I suppose I am just trying too hard - I want it to be the exact right thing. I am just confused as to why that "thing" isn't apparent to me.
Regardless of what I put or don't put with him, he will be gone. I know he is already lost, but there is such permanence to a funeral. I'll never again see his little hands or his little feet or that adorably big head of his. I miss him so much already. How much worse will I feel tomorrow?