Welcome to the Blue Butterfly Blog

Thousands of families suffer in silence from the loss of a pregnancy or an infant. My struggle is just beginning. I carried twins to term knowing that only one would survive. This is the story of my journey through shock, devastation, grief, anger, and hopefully someday acceptance. I know that other families are desperate to know that they are not suffering alone. This is for them.

Monday, February 6, 2012

My Letter to Spyder

Spyder's funeral was the most awful thing I've ever endured. No matter the child's age, no parent should ever have to mourn the loss of a son or daughter. The Reverend read this letter that I wrote to Spyder:

My Dear Son,
I will never be happier than the day you were born. For one short hour, our family was complete. You and your sister are the most precious things that your daddy and I have ever had.
I will never be sadder than I am now, saying goodbye to you.
But, you have an important job to do, Mr. Spyder. We need you to watch over your sister. You did such a good job of taking care of her before you were born that I know you’re up for the task. She will be lonely without you. She’ll know that she’s missing you. When she gets scared or feels alone, please stay close to her.  Be her hero.
As for your daddy and me, we miss you so much already. If it were possible, I would have kept you safe inside of me forever, but I couldn’t.  I had to let you go. I wish I had a lifetime to show you my love, but I had only an hour. I hope you felt it. I will live my life to honor you.
Be listening for me – I will never stop talking to you. I will never stop thinking of you, and I will never stop loving you.  You are my hero, little Spyder.
Until I can hold you in my arms again, be strong and be at peace.
Love always and forever,

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