Welcome to the Blue Butterfly Blog

Thousands of families suffer in silence from the loss of a pregnancy or an infant. My struggle is just beginning. I carried twins to term knowing that only one would survive. This is the story of my journey through shock, devastation, grief, anger, and hopefully someday acceptance. I know that other families are desperate to know that they are not suffering alone. This is for them.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Bad Days

Today is another bad day. Usually, I wake up fine, jumping out of bed to get a bottle ready for Poppy. But, once I make it to the shower, the emotions show themselves. I think it's because I am finally alone and not worrying about another task. I just start crying for Spyder.

For some reason, today I can't cheer back up. I try to comfort myself by cuddling Poppy, but on days like this I feel like she doesn't want me. She seems so much happier with Brad. Maybe that is because he isn't depressed.

I'm not worried that I have post-partum depression. I am functional and can recognize my bad days. I just have a lot of bad days.

1 comment:

  1. Dear sweet Lindsay,
    You are a strong and determined young woman. Allow yourself these emotions. Although difficult they are cleansing.
    Your little Poppy is growing and learning and she will go through phases of growth while you go through phases of mourning...
    Through thick and thin...with love and determination she is and always will be your little girl!
    About the shower... that was always my emotional outbreak area too... you are correct alone and without tasks to do. Be dirty for awhile! ;)

    Much Love,