Welcome to the Blue Butterfly Blog

Thousands of families suffer in silence from the loss of a pregnancy or an infant. My struggle is just beginning. I carried twins to term knowing that only one would survive. This is the story of my journey through shock, devastation, grief, anger, and hopefully someday acceptance. I know that other families are desperate to know that they are not suffering alone. This is for them.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Trying Not to Freak Out

It's amazing how fast things can change both physically and emotionally when you're in a vulnerable state. Yesterday I wrote of how I was celebrating the holidays and making sure to have lots of experiences with the babies. Today I am a nervous wreck.

I guess I knew it was a possibility, but I was still surprised when the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist told me today that I have polyhydramnios. This is yet another entry in the dictionary of medical terms I have learned, and it means that there is too much amniotic fluid in Spyder's amniotic sac.

One reason "poly" is such a risk is that it inflates your uterus to a point where it could could trigger labor as if you are full term. I am at 27 weeks and 1 day today. Going into labor could mean losing both of our babies.

Right now, I am not experiencing any signs of early labor - no cramps, no contractions, no super tight belly, no shortness of breath. The doctor showed me how my belly still bounces back like a perfectly baked cake when pushed on. She said we'll continue to monitor how I feel, but we won't take action yet.

There are two main courses of action when you have polyhydramnios. First, you get two steroid shots in the tush - I'll let you know how Roger Clemens felt... The steroids are to stimulate the growth and development of Poppy's lungs and brain in case she is born prematurely. The second treatment is to drain fluid from Spyder's amniotic sac using a needle. This procedures carries the same risk of miscarriage as an amniocentesis.

It's been 12 hours since the diagnosis and I am questioning every single movement, twitch, and stretch that I'm feeling. I'm not supposed to be freaking out. I keep telling myself that my doctor is not going to jeopardize Poppy and I really need to put my trust in her right now. When the doctor tells me to freak out, I will freak out.

Oh, and I'm anemic, too.


  1. Ugh:( Thinking of you sweetie and praying for you and your beautiful babies. XOXOXO

  2. its days like this, I would long for a drink...