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Thousands of families suffer in silence from the loss of a pregnancy or an infant. My struggle is just beginning. I carried twins to term knowing that only one would survive. This is the story of my journey through shock, devastation, grief, anger, and hopefully someday acceptance. I know that other families are desperate to know that they are not suffering alone. This is for them.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Having a Happy Hanukkah and a Merry Christmas

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

This may be true as you get to gather with family and friends, eat cookies without guilt, and exchange gifts that you battled through lines to buy. But, it can also be an extremely stressful time for anyone, pregnant or not. You have to make your family happy by being sure to see everyone, maybe clean the house to host a party, and there is probably someone dear to you whose absence is accentuated.

So, how do you have a happy holiday season?  If we could solve this, we wouldn't have people pepper spraying each other in Wal-Mart or others faking the flu to get out of travel. We wouldn't have road rage in traffic jams, and we wouldn't even have insults over a "well-done" turkey. But, what would the holidays be without this?

The best we can do is rejoice in the little things that made us happy when we were young. For me, it was lighting the Hanukkah menorah and watching all of the candles of different colors burn down. I also loved driving to Cleveland's Nela Park and cruising past the Christmas lights. And of course, we baked lots of cookies

This year, I'm trying my best to have those experiences again with my two little babies in tow. No, the obviously don't know what is happening or where they are, but to me it's important to make sure that Spyder and Poppy get to do these things together at least once. I need to remember this year when Spyder is coming with us to the Deering farm for Christmas breakfast, and he's "tasting" the wor su gai that I'm sure to eat with my family that evening.

Tonight, Spyder and Poppy will help me light the menorah and we'll all celebrate Spyder's first and last Hanukkah. On Sunday, they'll help me tear into wrapping paper and listen as people receive the gifts we've picked out for them. It will be his first and last Christmas. I need to make it special.

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas to you all. Let's make it memorable.

Poppy's face and hand.

Spyder's face against the uterine wall

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