Welcome to the Blue Butterfly Blog

Thousands of families suffer in silence from the loss of a pregnancy or an infant. My struggle is just beginning. I carried twins to term knowing that only one would survive. This is the story of my journey through shock, devastation, grief, anger, and hopefully someday acceptance. I know that other families are desperate to know that they are not suffering alone. This is for them.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Making Memories

I've been very upset for the past several days. Yes, I will definitely write about it, and I've started, but on this night of renewal and rejoicing, I don't want to dwell on the sadness.

It's easy to say "I don't want to...," but how can you accomplish this? Sad thoughts are always sneaking into my mind at the most unpredictable times. But, the best way I know to combat them is to find something I love and share it with the babies.

Today, that was birdwatching. Well, admittedly, today was chasing. Brad and I headed up to Hardin County, about an hour and half from Columbus, because there was word of a snowy owl. This would be a life bird for both of us, and of course, for The Belly.

After consulting Brad's "smartass" phone, we found the crowd of birders who had also trekked out to spot the illusive white raptor. There is was! We spent quite a while watching it and were rewarded by seeing it fly, probably to hunt for small rodents.

Snowy owl at about 300 yards

This is The Belly's fifth life bird. It is added to the list which includes Bonaparte's gull, black-tailed gull, white-winged scoter, and tundra swan - all great birds.

A portion of more than 215 tundra swans in an Attica-area field

For me, there is so much truth the the famous quotation by turn-of-the-century essayist and naturalist John Burroughs, "I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.” Everyone has something that brings them peace. Embrace it and return to it whenever you have the need.

I never want to look back and think that I didn't go out and "share" experiences with my babies while I could. So, as much as I tend to scoff at the New Year's Resolution-making process, I do resolve to continue to live life to the fullest extent that The Belly will allow. I will continue to make memories with my babies, whether or not they ever come to learn of them.

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