Welcome to the Blue Butterfly Blog

Thousands of families suffer in silence from the loss of a pregnancy or an infant. My struggle is just beginning. I carried twins to term knowing that only one would survive. This is the story of my journey through shock, devastation, grief, anger, and hopefully someday acceptance. I know that other families are desperate to know that they are not suffering alone. This is for them.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

It's a Girl! But It's also a Boy!

While there were many uncomfortable topics and decisions that I've had to make in my situation, one of the most visible to others was the baby shower. A baby shower is a rite of passage for a new mom, a time to get gobs advise from seasoned moms and place adorable onsies on your belly, exclaiming, "it fits!" I wanted some semblance of a normal pregnancy, which would include a fun little shower, but, how was I supposed to handle only needing supplies and gifts for one baby while I am pregnant with two?

A few months ago, I helped my mother-in-law get decorations for my sister-in-law's shower. She's due to have a little boy in one month. It was fun to look at all of the themes and colors and special memory tokens, but I was staring at "It's a Girl!" and "It's a Boy!" all day. When we returned home, I sobbed privately, knowing that I would not be able to celebrate my boy and my girl in the normal way.

After weeks of mulling over what to do, my mom came up with a very good solution. We would have a shower for Poppy and include a Celebrating Spyder element. It still made me sad, and I was a little unsure and worried that people would think I was neglecting Spyder. But it was the best compromise.

Actually, my sister, Izzy, did all of the planning for the shower. It was going to be at a cute coffee shop in Grove City last Saturday. Well, plans changed and the hospital was wonderful enough to let us hold the shower here. I wasn't sure who would still come since the situation was so strange.

But, people did come. And we played games and had cake and it was so much fun to get together. We even played "Pin the Sperm on the Egg!"

Pin the Sperm on the Egg

And we did celebrate Spyder. Everyone brought messages for him that I can put in a scrapbook, and we had a little spider on the cake. The last game we played, that Izzy came up with so sweetly, was to make a spider web out of yarn that we all got to hold.

Everyone got Celebrating Spyder cards. The printer even did them for half price in honor of him.

The shower was happy and sad for me. I was so happy that my friends came to see me and that we got to laugh together and look at adorable clothes and supplies for Poppy. I was sad because I couldn't do the same thing for Spyder. But both babies were an important part of the celebration.

Yummy cake with tiny, pink spider on bottom right.

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